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Heavy Grief

Grief has felt very heavy lately.

Today marks 21 months since Greg died.

These 21 months have been excruciatingly difficult. There have been many times when I have felt like throwing in the towel because life and parenting and grieving and ALL THE THINGS feels like too much of a weight to carry.

And it is. Single parenting isn’t the way it was meant to be. God did not design children to grow up with only one parent. Wives in their 30s aren’t meant to watch helplessly while their husband dies. None of this is God’s best for us. None of this is how the world was meant to be.

I guess I thought that 21 months in, the load wouldn’t feel so heavy. I’m finding that it doesn’t actually get lighter as time passes, though I have gotten stronger and more able to carry it.

Or maybe I’m seeing more clearly that Jesus will carry me through it. I am absolutely not strong enough on my own. But He has never left me on

my own.

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