Sometimes people try to comfort me by telling me that someday I will only remember the good moments, like this vacation we took in 2009. I understand the sentiment but it’s not actually what I want.
I want to remember it all.
I miss the good moments, but I miss the hard ones too. Not the situations themselves but the companionship of my husband in the midst of them. The security of a relationship that could withstand our brokenness and the brokenness in our lives.
I hope I remember the moment when he first held P and the tears we cried over the years when we thought our dream of having a baby would never come true.
I hope I remember the look in his eyes when I caught him off guard with a funny joke and the look in his eyes when I totally ticked him off.
I hope I remember what it felt like to drive to the hospital while following the ambulance that he was in and the way it felt to walk down the aisle to him at our wedding.
I miss it all. Marriage i
s made for the good, the bad and the ugly. And I never wanted ours to end.