I felt like I was going crazy last night and went outside for some fresh air around midnight. Jesus brought a song to mind that I've really loved for a long time, and I wanted to share the lyrics with you:
I take my refuge in the palm of Your hand
I take my comfort in Your perfect plan
I take my sorrow and lay it down at Your feet
I take my refuge where I can be free
I take my shelter in the shade of Your wings
I take my pleasure in the hope that You bring
I take my weakness to the foot of the cross
I take my refuge where I can get lost
In You, Oh Lord, In You, my God
When there's nowhere to turn
And there's nothing that's true
I find my peace here in You
(My Refuge, Sonic Flood)
Right now I don't know if one bit of this song can be said truly about my spiritual walk. It's all stuff that I know is true in my head, but I have a really, really hard time knowing it's true in my heart.
When I posted yesterday, I was writing in desperation. Please forgive me for that desperation, and know that I've asked God to forgive me too.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Sometimes I don't believe a word of it. But it's all true. And I need to believe it - I want to believe it.