Today we played hide and seek in the memorial park where Greg is buried. This is something that we did a lot when we visited Greg’s grave after he died- a way to help P grow comfortable in this strange new setting. He learned to not play when other families are nearby and understands the gravity of what happens in that space. But after the tears and revisiting the heartbreak, a run and some laughter are much needed.
We hadn’t taken time to play on our recent visits and it felt good. It felt right to run and laugh and hide in this beautiful place that is witness to so much sorrow.
As we walked back toward Greg’s grave, I couldn’t help but think how odd life is. How I never could have imagined that I would be raising a child who loved to play near his daddy’s grave.
Grief has taken much from us, but it has given us some good gifts too.
It has taught us to feel at home in graveyards. To hold the beauty of life and the sorrow of death together. To laugh and cry, to rant and to worship. To be honest with the hard and to embrace the good.
It has taught my son compassion in ways that few others things could. It has made him notice the fallen branch with a wind chime crushed underneath and given him the desire to fix it because he knows how much love that wind chime represents.
It has given us the gift of savoring little moments because now we know that little moments are the ones we miss the most.
I never expected to feel so at home in a graveyard but my do I love that place.